The Witch and the Two Devils
by FantasySpark
Summary: What happens when you dig up an old document you wrote about Patchouli's past before you ever played Touhou Project? This is what happens.


**Well, here is my intake on Patchouli's past. (Because it's rare you see anything about her past, oddly...) I dug this out and polished it a bit. It's really old, but I like this writing style better. (Note: This fanfiction is not serious in any way. If you think it is, go home and get some rest, you might need some medical help.)**

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><p>On one of the rainiest days in Gensokyo, a girl ran through the forest of magic. Her ripped hood covered her hair and she almost seemed to blend in with the scenery. In her hands she held a book which she shielded from the rain. She finally came upon a big oak tree and took cover, shivering in her ripped apart and drenched clothes, she could barely breathe. She had been running for weeks and it looked like life was reaching its end. Her stomach rumbled and she held it tightly, bearing the agonizing pain. She had not eaten for days, maybe even a weeks, but she couldn't remember. There was no need to anyways. The girl looked up at the sky and let the rain pour onto her face. She was tired, aching, and hungry. But what more could she wish for? She did have a little protection under an old oak tree. After settling down, the more and more she sat there, the heavier her eyelids became. And finally, the rain coaxed her to sleep. As she slept, storm clouds came into form up above. The thunder shook her awake. She tried to get up, but her body gave out on her. She sat there helplessly as a huge storm came into view.<p>

A thunderbolt shot out of the sky and there was a loud crack. The girl looked up and saw the thunderbolt hit a high branch on the old oak tree. The branch gave out immediately and began falling. It smashed into the ground only a few feet away from her. It shattered into pieces and recoiled. She tried to dodge the pieces of wood but one pierced her arm. She painfully tripped and fell, in which a piece of wood big enough to be considered a stake embedded itself within her stomach. She was sprawled out on the wet dirt, as blood oozed out of her wounds and stained her clothes. Her head was pounding as thoughts raced through her mind. Will she make it through the night? She shook the thought out of her head. She had to make it through the night. She waited until the dying pain subsided and began to sit back up, feeling the wood painfully claw at her flesh every move she made. She grabbed a hold of the stake and began to tug. The wood coming out had been more painful than it going in. She ripped it out which almost knocked her unconscious and threw the blood-soaked stake to the ground. She picked up her book, which luckily was unharmed. She would have to worry about the wood in her arm later.

She traveled through the forest one step at a time, making sure she wouldn't agitate her wound any further. After traveling for what seemed like hours, although it was only thirty minutes, she stumbled upon a small lake. It was surrounded by trees so it seemed like a place for mysterious people to gather. A few miles behind the lake she was sure she had spotted a mansion of some sort. The perfect place to rest, even if she never made it inside.

She stayed on the forest path hoping it would lead to the mansion she spotted. About two miles later she came upon a huge gap between the trees. She slowly peeked into the gap and saw she was right. A tall mansion stood right before her eyes. A large gate led to the entrance which was about 50 feet farther back. She spotted a giant clock tower ticking slowly in the tallest pillar. Whatever was in there, human or not, she was nowhere near being able to face it in her current state. She trudged on anyways, and saw there was no guard gate. The gate easily opened and on the sides of the inner gate where tables neatly decorated as if the owner was waiting for guests. This was highly doubtable though, due to the heavy rainfall. She made it to the gate doors and hesitantly threw them open. The wind and rain were so strong, it was more like someone had tossed her in the mansion themselves. When she looked up, it was like nothing she had ever seen before. The walls and floors were a blood red color and there was a grand staircase right before her eyes leading up to a floor that was about 25 feet higher. It then spread out into all different hallways which branched out repeatedly. She touched the staircase like it was precious gold and slowly climbed up. When she got to the second floor she took the main hallway. It looked easy enough to follow. It led into a huge room decorated with shelves of silverware and a huge chandelier hanging from the top. What surprised her the most was the figure in the room. It was a little girl with blue hair that was partially covered by a mob cap in a fancy light-pink dress. She was peacefully drinking tea.

"Hmm?" The little girl looked up from her tea. "What have we here? An intruder?"

"...ah..." The girl with the cloak still draped over her head had forgotten her own voice.

"Silent type, eh? Oh, and what's this?" she fixed her eyes on the bloody mess of the girl's arm. Right then the girl noticed she had rather sharp teeth for a kid. The sharp-toothed girl was right behind her in the blink of an eye and she had giant black bat wings that were completely unnoticeable before. She had pulled out the wood and locked her jaws onto the wound. The girl was half-expecting to cry out in pain, but she didn't. While it did hurt a bit to have someone biting her like that, she could barely feel it. In fact, she saw after the girl had finally let go, there was no more blood and the wound became clearly visible. She stared back at her.

"As you may have guessed, I'm a vampire." she explained licking the blood off of her lips. That must explain her youthful look. She must be much older. "And you just so happen to have very tasty blood." The girl backed away and the vampire began to laugh. "I won't suck you dry here and now! I'm not that greedy. But on one condition." she whispered into the girl's ear. "Show me that wound, on your stomach." The girl hesitantly lifted her cloak, revealing the wound which made her sick just to look at. "Your quite the interesting one! So well behaved!" The vampire once again couldn't resist laughter. "It's been rather boring around here with just Flan and a bunch of fairy maids. How about you become my new addition to the mansion?" She was anxiously waiting for an answer. As if someone would agree to living with a vampire who drank your blood before they even introduced themselves. There was a long moment of silence. "Well, at least tell me your name." The girl still didn't feel like talking much. She took off her torn hood, revealing a great abundance of long purple hair that reflected off the silverware in the cases. Her purple eyes shone brightly and her face was very mature. Her expression was almost impossible to read. Behind her back she hid a tattered book.

"...Patchouli. Patchouli Knowledge."

"Patchouli? Well, I'm Remilia Scarlet. I see that you're a magician." Remilia took note of the book. It was indeed a spell book, but how could she have noticed it so quickly? "But before that, friendly truce? I've met quite a few of your kind in the past and they did not take to me very kindly." Patchouli nodded. "Well, for now let's get you patched up. I'm not exactly done with you just yet."

Remilia sported an evil grin as she called over a few fairy maids who did a poor job of fixing Patchouli's wounds but it didn't really seem to matter.

"No one has faced me in a while. A danmaku battle against a magician should be interesting." Patchouli held up her bandaged arm and that said it all. "Oh yeah, that thing." Remilia was highly disappointed.

"You forgot...already?"

"Well, just sitting around is boring so of course the first thing I would want to do is battle!" pouted Remilia.

"Then why not just go ask someone else to battle you?"

"But no one wants to battle at nighttime. They're all asleep." Remilia looked up and sighed. "Hey, looks like someone is getting their voice back. I thought you couldn't speak for a moment!"

"I thought the same..."

"Hmm...so how did you manage to stumble upon my mansion? And in that condition, too." Patchouli silently stared at the ground so Remilia saw that it didn't need explaining. "Well, if you want, you can stay here. But for only a little while, ok?"

"You're quite nice for a vampire."

"D-Don't say that! Just be glad I didn't make you Flan's next meal!"

"Flan?"

"My younger sister, Flandre."

"Interesting. Is she as nice as you?"

"Not with humans, she isn't." Remilia muttered. She looked down and spotted the spell book in Patchouli's hand. "Also, about that book you're holding, I think there may be something like that in Voile..."

"Voile?"

"Yeah, Voile Library." Patchouli's eyes sparkled.

"Can you take me?"

"Ok...fine...it's this way." Remilia led Patchouli down the narrows halls of the mansion until they came upon two giant oak doors. Dust was the first thing that came out of the doors when Remilia pushed them open. Patchouli went straight into a coughing fit. "I didn't know you were afraid of a little dust."

"No...I have asthma, you fool..."

"Since when?"

"Since before I told you, obviously."

"Is that so? Well, putting it aside, let's enter the library." Patchouli nodded as she followed Remilia into the library. When she stepped in, she thought she would never be able to leave. The bookshelves shot up into the sky like skyscrapers and books filled every inch of it. The bookshelves continued on as far as the eyes could see. "I set it up really simple for Flan. That way she wouldn't get lost. You should have seen my original design...it was really complex." said Remilia with a confident grin.

"How did you...?" The library was way past too big to fit in the mansion.

"Well, that's the mystery of the Scarlet Devil Mansion."

"Scarlet Devil Mansion?"

"My given name in the human village, the Scarlet Devil." Right then Patchouli heard her stomach growl. She had completely forgotten she hadn't eaten for a few days. "Hungry, much?"

"What's so funny about it? You drank my blood not too long ago!" she snapped.

"Hehe...vampires have their drinking habits, you have yours. Now come on, I'll get the fairy maids to make you some food. If you starve to death, we can't have a good match later on!" Since it didn't look like Patchouli was going to be leaving the library anytime soon, Remilia ordered the fairy maids to bring food to the library, rather than the dining room.

"Just to make sure," said Patchouli staring down at the food. "...no blood, right?"

"Yeah. I double-checked! Aren't you so proud of me?"

"Yeah, sure I am." Patchouli quietly ate a small portion of the food while Remilia sat back and almost went to sleep. To keep her awake Patchouli pulled her cheek.

"Ow! Oh, Patchouli, finished already? Hm?" Remilia stared at the plate which was still almost completely full. "I would have expected the whole plate to have been cleaned, you're as thin as a toothpick! When is the last time you've eaten?"

"I'm not a toothpick, and I like eating small portions of food. And the last time I ate was only a few days ago, thank you very much."

"Only a few days? Without a single drop of blood? Wow, what kind of cruel fate is that?"

"Remember, you're the only vampire here."

"That, and Flan." Remilia sat back again. "You know, I gave this library to Flan as a gift a few decades ago to ease her boredom, but she never took much interest in it. So it's just been sitting here, collecting dust."

"A few decades? You say that like your talking about months."

"Oh, right. I'm actually about 400 years old." Patchouli jumped. "I don't really look it do I?"

"Well, you are a vampire aren't you? It's only natural that you can retain such youth."

"Oh really?" Remilia made a few poses. "You're ever so kind to me."

"Never do that again." she muttered a little too quietly for Remilia to hear. "So, how old is Flandre?"

"About 395. Now that I think about it, her birthday is coming up in a few months. This time I'll give her a whole human rather than just the head. Then she can feast all day!"

"What a beautiful gift." Patchouli replied sarcastically.

"Yeah, I know right? Speaking of that, there is probably something you want to know about Flan. She has an immense amount of power, but can't control it. So I keep her down in the basement usually. If she gets too excited and wants to play, she tends to break people. A lot. Come with me, but you'll have to fly. Walking will only cause her to notice someone else is here and try to escape." Remilia led her down a narrow passage that was clearly invisible before. They seemed to be heading into deep underground passages that were like a maze. As they got further and further down, the passage tuned from the beautiful halls to be expected in a mansion, to dark, cold, dirty passages that no fairy maids dare got close to. It was dimly lit by a few torches, but Patchouli could swore that if the passage was brighter the walls she could see that the walls were stained with blood. They silently flew to a door at the very end, with whispering coming from inside. Remilia gestured for Patchouli to come closer, and then whispered in her ear. "Hey, I'm going inside. You stay out here. I might call you in after a while, but be on guard, okay? I seriously would hate for you to die before our battle." Patchouli hesitantly nodded while Remilia headed inside. As soon as Remilia opened the door, there was a strong amount of power that crept out from the small little opening. It was amazing how this girl had such power. The door closed, and behind it, a small figure sitting on the ground was playing with toys which weren't even in a good enough condition to be considered torn apart. More like pieces of fabric with button smiles accompanied by fuzz. Even the buttons were scattered across the room. She had blonde hair and a mob cap on similar to Remilia's but had a long ponytail in a bow hanging out of the right side. To Remilia, only the back of her red shirt and skirt were visible along with a pair of unusual wings. The skeleton of the wings looked like a curved iron bar, which pointed upward and the rest were brightly colored prism shards that swayed with her every move. She whipped around in utter happiness.

"ONEE-SAMA~!" She jumped up and tackled Remilia, almost knocking her down. Remilia smiled and pulled her off.

"Hey, Flan. Guess what?"

"Ooh, you've got a human for me?"

"Aw, sorry, but good guess! I have a visitor for you!"

"Really!? Who? Who?"

"You'll meet her soon enough. But you have to promise me you'll behave!"

"Ok, ok. I will..." Flandre pouted.

"You can't break her, alright? Or else, I'll be really mad."

"Ok...But now can I see her!?"

"Yeah, yeah. Introduce yourself properly, ok?" Remilia turned around and shouted to the door. "Hey Patchouli! Come on in!" When Patchouli heard her name being called, her heart skipped a beat. She didn't know what kind of girl this would be. From the way Remilia worded it, her sister was much more violent. Or so she thought. She hesitantly pulled open the door, and when she saw Flandre, she did a sigh of relief. "Ok, Patchouli, this is my sister, Flandre Scarlet!" Flandre immediately ran up to Patchouli.

"Woah! She's pretty! And has long hair! Looks human but definitely isn't! Who are you? Onee-sama, what's going on? What's she doing here?" Flandre talked nonstop as she went from place to place, fully examining Patchouli. Patchouli wasn't sure if this was normal for her, or if she got hyped up on sugar like crazy. Maybe human blood has more sugar in it than she thought? She would need to check that out for herself when she got back to the library.

"Flan, calm down. This is Patchouli, the MISSING_NO! She wandered in the mansion, wounded. She has tasty blood-" Flandre's eyes sparkled for a bit. "-but that doesn't mean you can have any! I only did it because she was wounded. She took a lot of interest in that library I gave to you a while ago."

"Oh, that? So she likes books? Cool! Can you read to me someday?" she asked Patchouli. Patchouli felt like she driven into a corner. She looked over at Remilia who was nodding.

"Uh...Yes. I'll read to you anytime you like."

"Oh really!? YAY~! I always wanted to know what was in those things!"

"You don't know how to read?"

"Oh, I do. I just never care to!" She said that as if she should've been given a medal for it. Remilia passed right by Patchouli and placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Well Patchouli, she's all yours. You are now her teacher." Before Patchouli could protest, Remilia had vanished, trying to play the cool act. Patchouli sighed and looked at the present left for her. A hyperactive, 395-year old, insane vampire girl. How lovely.

"Would you like to read a book? How about we go to the library now?"

"Sure!" As Patchouli and Flandre made it out of the basement, fairy maids were giving weird looks. Some scared, some confused, but most were speechless. They sat there still as a statue as Flandre passed by them all, without giving even a second glance. When they arrived at the library, Patchouli found a chair to sit Flandre down in, and read to her a book from the outside world, called Marisa Kirisame and the Immortal Moon Princess (Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince). For the rest of the day, Flandre ran around the library picking up box shaped things and yelling 'Master Spark!' or 'Final Spark!' and Patchouli grabbed as many spell books as possible and sat at a table, busily reading through them all. Remilia walked in and Flandre missed her by just an inch with her fake mini-hakkero.

"Pretty lively in here, isn't it?"

"Onee-sama! I read a book today!"

"Oh yeah? What was it about?"

"It was about a witch lady named Marisa who blast yellow beam thingys out of a little box and a moon princess who stole the full moon!"

"Is that so? Patchouli, you read her that?" Patchouli glanced up from her book.

"What? You think I just let her sit there and read it on her own? She obviously said she wanted me to read to her."

"Aw, lighten up. You could read to me sometimes too!"

"NO." The words shot through Remilia like a arrow designed to get rid of vampires. She slowly pulled out the mental arrow and began to pout.

"Why not!? You're mean!"

"You're head of this mansion, right? You should be able to read a book on your own. Flandre is just a little girl."

"Hey! She's only 5 years younger than me!"

"Exactly my point."

"I don't get you." said Remilia walking up to Patchouli and sitting in the chair on the opposite side of the table.

"No one does." Right then Remilia felt a tug on her dress. She looked and saw it was Flandre.

"Ooh ooh, can we go outside?"

"But its daytime. We can't do any active stuff. Is that fine with you?" Flandre nodded. "Alright then! Patchouli, come with us!" Before Patchouli could refuse, Remilia grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the library. When they made it out of the library, Remilia held up a parasol and led Flan to a table where they could sit down and enjoy the view, which was only the gates and the garden. Flandre happily hummed to herself while kicking at the air and Remilia just sat there, and definitely wasn't pleased. "Arrgh, I hate how the sun is out."

"You prefer it to be night all the time?"

"Well duh! I'm a vampire!"

"But then it wouldn't need to be called night because there would be no day to contrast it to." Patchouli noted simply.

"Rrgh...you really get on my nerves sometimes...and I don't even know why..."

"Because I'm smarter than you." Something in Remilia clicked just then.

"WHY YOU! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME DUMB!?" Remilia charged at Patchouli and she swiftly dodged it. Remilia then threw herself onto the lawn, unprotected by her parasol. "GYAAARGH!" she twisted and turned in pain as the sun burnt her skin, until she finally scrambled under decent shade. Flandre was clapping as if it were some funny play and Patchouli sat there unfazed.

"Look, the idiot made it back." Remilia looked like she was done arguing with some magician who fended off verbal attacks like flies.

"Haah... you know what? I like you. You're pretty good at dealing with vampires. You must have trained."

"No, I just have a very excitable personality."

"Excitable indeed."

"Onee-sama, I'm booooored!" Flandre pouted.

"Then why did you ask to go outside?" she asked, the annoyance in her voice being very noticeable.

"Can we play hunter?"  
>"That's not until night time, remember?" Remilia turned to Patchouli who was paying no mind to the conversation. "Hey, you wanna join us for tonight's hunt? It'll be fun, because tonight is special."<p>

"In what way would tonight be special?" Patchouli asked.

"Oh, you'll know." she snickered. So they waited until the sun died, and moonlight rose. It seemed to be a regular full moon, nothing special. Patchouli was getting quite sleepy, but decided to join anyways. It would increase her knowledge on vampires, and help her with her studies. They closed the mansion gates, and stared up ahead. "The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?"

"The villagers wouldn't be saying the same."

"I guess not, huh? Time to play hunter." Flandre jumped up and down in excitement. "But I'm watching you Flan. Don't hunt too many, okay?"

"Oh fine..." While Flandre was jumping around in excitement, Remilia inched over next to Patchouli and whispered in her ear.

"Hey Patchouli, keep a watch on Flan. 'Hunt' and 'play' is another word for 'kill' in her vocabulary. But I'm pretty sure I'll be able to hold her down."

"Is that so? I should be of help." she replied, holding up her spell book.

"Ah, you must know water magic. That would definitely work." So the three set out towards the human village. They stopped walking a while away from it when Remilia turned to the two. "Okay, here is where we start. Let's make our entrance horrifying!" then her wing span increased, even bigger than herself. A sense of excitement washed over her as she looked at her sharper claws, and her devilish grin unveiled her vicious fangs.

"Well, that certainly is new." Patchouli commented. Who knew that vampires changed that much during the full moon? She only assumed that their attack performance increased.

"My favorite part of day!" shouted Flandre. Her wings turned a scarlet red color, filled with blood lust, and her fang grew longer than Remilia's. Talk about power! Her eyes were naturally spiraled anyway. "NYAHAHA~!" they let out a battle roar before sprinting for the village. That was one heck of a race they were having! It was a like a shooter game, and Flandre had taken the lead by shooting five deer (Human). After about a half hour of Patchouli watching them perform some seriously disturbing things, they were magically sitting o the hill above the village, as Remilia and Flandre dug into to their snacks.

"Hey Flan, you're seriously too quick to kill!" warned Remilia.

"No, you're just slow~!" she replied.

"But really," she paused for a moment to get a long sip of blood. "You don't even know what chilled blood tastes like! Your missing out!"

"Chilled blood? Eww, cold blood is nasty! That's why you kill them quick!" Flan explained.

"No, it's different! You just kill before second thought! If you scare them to death, and then kill them, the fear in their blood give is a better taste! Totally honest, right Patchouli?"

"Oh, sorry. I was too busy throwing up from your conversation to listen." Patchouli answered.

"Whatever, you just don't know how to live life! Come on, at least give it a try."

"Sure! But if it doesn't taste better, I'll be sure to break you~!" she ran off and Remilia turned to Patchouli.

"And that's supposed to be a good thing, why?" Remilia questioned.

"It's not, genius."

"Well whatever, let's just listen to Flan have fun." she sighed. And so they both did. This is what they heard:

"Hello, mister. Wanna play!?"  
>"WOAH!? What the-"<p>

"WELCOME TO DIE!"

_KER-BOOOM!_

Flandre made it back carrying a severed head in her hand. "I'm back!"

"I see that..." sighed Remilia.

"Okay, now to take a sip!" Flandre let the blood drip onto her tongue. "Woah, this is tasty!"

"Yeah, I told you so! But guess what? You didn't believe me!"

"I didn't not believe you! I just believed not in, I not believe, didn't... wha?"

"See look! Now your tongue is all twisted up!" Remilia and Flandre began to argue, so Patchouli looked the other way and sighed.

"Out of all the people that I might know before I die, it just HAD to be these two..."


End file.
